Vanity and its uses

When I was younger I read an old-fashioned book called “A Young Person’s Guide to the Piano” which contained a rather unusual maxim. Every artist, the author claimed, had to have a little vanity in his character. (I would have said “his or her” but the book was written in the Fifties!) Like most people, I had been brought up to believe that vanity was a character flaw rather than a personal asset. To me it entailed being one of those grown-up women who wore floaty scarves and make-up and looked in the mirror a lot. All this was naturally a Bad Thing.

But now when I recall what the author of that book said next, his words make sense. Vanity is not the same as conceit, he counsels – conceit being mere self-deception. Or as Will Smith put it, “Not conceited – I’m as good as I say I am”. To be vain about your work does not mean that you see it as perfection – after all the vain person who looks in the mirror usually does so to adjust her appearance until it accords with her pleasure. If she admires her looks, she does so because she has put a lot of work into maintaining them.

So how does one cultivate personal vanity as a writer?

Well, my personal vanity is my carefully-maintained belief that I can be taken seriously as an author. While I have now managed to accumulate some evidence to back this opinion, I know that in future (as in the past) there will be long gaps between achievements when all I have to fall back on is this indefatigable self-belief. I have to believe this because the stakes are high. The risk of rejection is overwhelming, even when your material is good quality.

I nurture my work and crucify it. To extend the metaphor of the vain person at her toilette – I am my own harshest set of double mirrors. When I look over my just-finished story, the experience can often be like trying on a new bra in the cruelly-lit M&S changing room. (Men can replace with analogy of preference!) I see nothing but the faults of overblown prose, just as the striplights show up every overhang of flesh. And while I am working on it, I will share it with a few trusted friends. I don’t distribute it for common view. That is my way of saying – my work is precious. It is not for free. It is not on display for everyone’s eyes, until it is accepted for publication.

That is my vanity. I would love to hear about yours, if you have one!